I was menial
but a fraction of your attachment
Always vying for your attention, forever reaching for a connection
So tell me, were you too busy filling up your veins?
Just so busy fogging up your brain?
Was a day alone in a sober mind just too much to bare?
Sour grapes, oh woe is me, say what you want but you know it was never fair.
Looking for an out, running high up on your shining mount
You blamed me for all your short comings
Like it was my fault that you never taught me
Like it was my fault that you always fought me.
Like I’m the reason that you didn’t want to be around
Once you left you were lost and never found
If I’m the reason you were crazy then I’m so sorry
But it’s not my fault you decided not to be there for me.
Wasted some birthday wishes and tossed some coins in with the fishes
Not that I’m superstitious but when you’re just a kid with no mother it’s hard to be too realistic
You threw my dad in jail and cried rape all the way to the bank
Along the way you lost a son and a life to love and call your own.
Tore my world in half, made me make a choice that I could never make alone
You forced my hand and it’s so sad that you’ll never get to see your baby boy again
12 years later I still feel ashamed to say you’re blood.
If I was a golden child than I must have been covered in mud
When you close your eyes do you see me sometimes?
If you have anything other than nightmares am I a scar in your sleep?
Was it regret or shame, did you hate him enough to kill me?
Did you feel selfish ruining a kid’s life just so you could be guilt-free
Whoring with your strangers, tell me did you ever feel justified?
Forget your nurture, regret your nature, did it ever matter that I never complied?
I was menial